Fictional Wealth Chronicles: The Money Mountains I've Seen

Scrooge McDuck sits atop the fictional wealth pyramid with a ridiculous $65 billion fortune—swimming in gold coins like they're bath water. I've always wondered how his elderly duck spine doesn't snap when diving into that metal pit. Must be cartoon physics or something.

Trailing behind is Smaug with $54 billion in hoarded treasures. What a waste! Just lying on a pile of gold for centuries—at least invest it, you oversized lizard! Dragons truly represent the ultimate capitalist fantasy: deadly creatures who contribute nothing to society while hoarding resources.

Carlisle Cullen from those sparkly vampire movies somehow amassed $46 billion through compound interest over centuries. Talk about privilege—being immortal gives you quite the edge in long-term investments! Meanwhile, most of us mortals stress about making rent.

Then there's Tony Stark with his measly $12.4 billion. I actually expected more from the guy with the flying metal suits and skyscraper with his name on it. Guess private superhero work doesn't pay what it used to.

Bruce Wayne sits at $9.2 billion—apparently beating criminals to a pulp at night isn't as profitable as tech and real estate. And don't get me started on Forrest Gump's $5.7 billion from Apple stock. Pure dumb luck! The man didn't even understand what kind of company he was investing in—"some kind of fruit company."

Jay Gatsby rounds out the bottom with just $1 billion. Couldn't even afford a decent security system for his pool. Bootlegging clearly had better margins before corporate consolidation took over.

The crypto market would eat these fictional billionaires alive. They might have mountains of gold, but try converting that quickly in a liquidity crunch! At least digital assets move at the speed of technology, not the speed of counting dragon scales.