Behind perfectionism is a deep rejection of oneself, which is mainly reflected in three feelings. The first is self-blame; as long as I haven't done well enough, I think I am terrible. The second is guilt and remorse; as long as I feel I haven't tried my best, I think I am being lazy, and I feel very guilty and remorseful, as if I have let others' expectations down. The third is shame; you may doubt your own worth, as if if I haven't done this well, I cannot exist stably in this world, and I will be laughed at and looked down upon. You can't stay in this state of not being good enough. These three feelings are deeper than the last. Let's first talk about its origins, its wisdom, and finally discuss what we might be able to do. Feeling terrible about oneself often stems from the past. Even if you have done very well, you still cannot meet a better standard. You may have ranked in the top ten, but you didn't get first place; you may have achieved first place, but you can't compare to other schools, etc. Then we will have deep doubts about all our results. Even if you seem good enough in the eyes of others, you have internalized this high standard; just a slight flaw makes you feel you are not good enough. The feelings of guilt and remorse add another layer of others' expectations on top of this. For instance, when you cannot complete something, caregivers may ask you, 'Do you think you deserve our investment?' We will feel an added sense of letting others down on top of this self-blame for our actions. As we grow up, this imagined expectation may become your boss, your colleagues, and the gaze of the outside world. A deeper layer is the profound sense of shame regarding our existence, which often stems from past denial of your whole existence's value. For example, 'If I had known you were such a child, I wouldn't have brought you into this world; you don't deserve to be our child.' Even if you do poorly, your parents may ignore you, giving you a sense of abandonment, making you feel that if you make a mistake, you will be forgotten by the whole world. This is the initial doubt about your own existence's value, so once we do poorly, we completely deny ourselves from the inside out, as if I do not deserve to exist in this world, merely occupying resources. Now let's talk about the mechanisms of this painful perfectionism, or the differences between this model and a healthier sense of responsibility. As soon as a mistake occurs, we immediately escalate to denying and insulting our character. For example, the same exam did not go well, or you did not pass this promotion; how can I not do anything well? How can I be so terrible? A healthier way to handle this is that we only target our mistakes at these issues; this particular task, I may not have done well. Another obvious difference is that perfectionism's judgment of matters is very poor, greatly detached from objective reality. For instance, you actually performed well, but your feelings are very poor, as if the whole world is about to abandon you. So what do we do in the end? First, bring your feelings back; the perfectionist model is like a little mouse on a wheel, very hard to stop. Because the goals are high, we are always chasing the next target. We need to help ourselves stop for a few minutes to ask about our feelings. How do you feel? See that part of yourself that is hurt, that part of yourself that seeks recognition; affirm it and accept it. I know you want to do everything well because you hope to meet everyone's expectations so you can approve of yourself. I understand, but I also know you are struggling, and then slowly break this pattern; it doesn't require you to stop immediately, but to help yourself in small matters to see the difference between your subjective feelings and objective facts. For example, you are blaming yourself again; try to tell yourself, is this matter really as bad as I imagine it to be? Am I being too harsh on myself? Does every requirement to consider each time align with an objective expectation? Just because I didn't do well this time, does it mean I am as terrible as I think? Lastly, you must take good care of yourself, and always be there for yourself. Because that deep sense of abandonment regarding your existence's value needs repeated companionship to correct. In fact, no one can abandon you; when I was young, my caregivers might not have been by my side, but now I know someone will always be by my side, and that is myself. Through repeated comforting, our wounded inner child will gradually feel safe again and will be willing to grow up slowly, no longer so afraid of not being good enough and not being afraid of not existing.